The Almighty Dump – 001

Russia assumes UN Security Council presidency

Russia’s in Charge – What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

So, apparently Russia bagged the UN Security Council presidency again. Yeah, I know I’m late to this party (a month late, sue me), but for FUCK’S SAKE.

The last time they had the gavel? February 2022 — oh, just a small, casual, full-scale invasion of Ukraine. Fast-forward, and now the alleged war criminal-in-chief is essentially chairing the world’s biggest “No Fighting, Please” committee.

Makes perfect sense. I mean, what next? Putting Jeffrey Dahmer in charge of school dinners?

Confusion of the Week

Right, so Busted are back. Again. Clearly, the apocalypse wasn’t dramatic enough without them. Their old classic “Year 3000” has been haunting me, though. Remember that line: “I’ve been to the year 3000. Not much has changed, but they live underwater.”

NOT MUCH HAS CHANGED? Sorry, lads, but if we’re suddenly rocking snorkels just to get the milk in the morning, I’d say that’s a pretty fucking big shift, wouldn’t you?

And don’t even get me started on the grammar. “Lived” underwater. Past tense. Hang on – so if you came back to tell me this, does that make it your past, our future, or just one giant lyrical cock-up? WHY AM I THINKING THIS HARD ABOUT BUSTED?

Anyway, all the best to them. Hope their tour sells out. Above water, preferably.

Royal Rumbles

God Save the King, indeed. Charlie-Boy’s on the throne. Fingers crossed, he does better than the last two of the same name (spoiler: not a high bar).

And oh, Harry. The Prince of Netflix, sulking away in row three. You could almost hear the ginger steam hissing out of his ears. Straight on the blower to Meghan after: “Babe, they made me sit behind Auntie Mildred and the corgi trainer.”

Now, people are shocked when I admit I’m a Royalist. But here’s my reasoning: