The Most Versatile Word

Is “FUCK” the Swiss Army Knife of Words?

Let’s be honest: if the English language had a multi-tool, it wouldn’t be Oxford commas or subjunctive clauses – it would be the glorious, four-lettered, parental-disappointment-inducing word: FUCK.

Say it, shout it, mumble it after stubbing your toe on the coffee table – it always lands exactly where it needs to. It’s like duct tape for emotions. It fixes everything and conveys your exact feelings whilst using it.

Take this subtle, polite example:

“Why the FUCKING FUCK don’t you FUCKING subscribe to the best FUCKING website in the FUCKING world, you stupid FUCK? Are you a FUCKING FUCKWIT?”

See? Elegant. Shakespeare could never be so articulate.

Just in case you have any doubts as to the versatility of the word, I have put together a little list of the many faces of Fuck: –

- - Dismay – Oh! Fuck It.
  - Aggression – Fuck You!
  - Passive – Fuck Me.
  - Command – Go Fuck Yourself.
  - Incompetence – He’s a Fuck-Up.
  - Laziness – He doesn’t give a Fuck.
  - Ignorance – He’s a Fucking Jerk.
  - Trouble – I’m Fucked.
  - Confusion – What the Fuck?
  - Despair – I’m Fucked again.
  - Philosophical – Who gives a Fuck?
  - Denial – I don’t Fucking know.
  - Rebellion – Fuck the World.
  - Annoyance – Don’t Fuck with me.
  - Encouragement – Keep Fucking going.
  - Etiquette – Pass the Fucking salt.
  - Identification – Who the Fuck are you?
  - Observation – You’re a dumb-looking Fuck.
  - Agreement – You’re Fucking right.
  - Benevolence – Don’t do me any Fucking favours.

Basically, it covers every human emotion, from rage to romance. (Yes, romance – don’t lie, you’ve said it in bed.)

Top Ten Times in History When The ‘F’ Word Was Appropriate.

And just in case you think this is modern filth, imagine these little gems of history if people were honest: –

1. 1. “What the Fuck was that?” – Mayor of Hiroshima, August 1945.
  2. “Where did all these Fucking Indians come from?” – Custer, 1877.
  3. “Any Fucking idiot could understand that.” – Einstein, 1938.
  4. “It does SO Fucking look like her!” – Picasso, 1926.
  5. “How the Fuck did you work that out?” – Pythagoras, 126 BC.
  6. “You want WHAT on the Fucking ceiling?” – Michelangelo, 1566.
  7. “I don’t suppose it’s gonna Fucking rain.” – Joan of Arc, 1434.
  8. “Scattered Fucking showers…my ass!” – Noah, 314 BC.
  9. “I need this parade like I need a Fucking hole in my head!” – JFK, 1963.
  10. “Aw c’mon, Who the Fuck is going to find out?” – Bill Clinton, 1997.