The Almighty Dump – 002

Welcome Back, You Glorious Bastards It’s time for another Almighty Dump! So, I finally watched that South Park episode (yes, the Harry & Meghan piss-take) and sweet holy mooseballs, it’s funny as FUCK. If I can sling it onto MooseTube, I bloody well will – copyright rules can take a running jump, but if I do, PLEASE respect my privacy. (See what I did there?) MP’s To Repay Driving Fines Apparently, four MPs are being told to repay their driving fines (like the rest of us) because – wait for it – they claimed them on expenses. Expenses!! That’s our fucking money you wankers. One genius (Mr Afolami) said: “It was completely inadvertent. All money repaid the moment I knew about it.” INADVERTENT? My FUCKING ARSE. These jokers genuinely think we’re thick as pigshit. Like we’re all going to nod politely and say, “Oh yes, poor chap, he accidentally billed the taxpayer for his own speeding fines. Could’ve happened to anyone.” Here’s the real kicker: they weren’t even caught by the watchdogs we supposedly pay to check this stuff – it took the bloody Independent newspaper to dig it up. Who the hell is rubber-stamping these expenses? The Chuckle Brothers? Fuckwits. The lot of them. Budgets: Same Shit, Different Millennium Cicero, 55 BC, nailed it: “The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.” Two thousand years ago, the Romans were already fed up with politicians spending like drunk sailors and handing out free bread to anyone with a pulse. Fast-forward to 2025, and what’s changed? Absolutely FUCK ALL. We’ve swapped togas for cheap suits, laurel wreaths for dodgy hairpieces, and gladiator fights for Question Time – but the incompetence remains exactly the same. Cicero might as well have been on Newsnight last week, swirling his wine and yelling, “Balance the fucking budget, you freeloading morons!” Same circus. Different clowns. Same shit. Different millennium. Weird Facts Weird Shit You Didn’t Need to Know (But Now You Do) • Harry Styles has four nipples. Yeah. Four. You’ll never look at him the same again. • Australia is wider than the moon. No wonder flights to Sydney feel like eternity. • Venus is the only planet that spins clockwise. Probably because it saw Earth and thought, “Nah mate, not doing it like that.” • Walt Disney bagged 26 Oscars. To be fair, the man basically built an empire off a mouse with a squeaky voice. Respect. • The actors who voiced Mickey and Minnie actually got married. Cute, right? Imagine the pillow talk: “Oh Mickey, you’re so fine…” • And here’s one for the pub: You literally can’t hum if you hold your nose. (Don’t lie, you just tried it. And yes, you look like an idiot.) That’s it for this edition of The Almighty Dump my little Mooselings. Until next time, keep your noses free, your MPs accountable, and your swear jar overflowing. Forever unfiltered, forever yours – Moose Almighty.