A Collection of News, Nonsense & Other Random Bollocks.
Welcome once again to The Almighty Dump – the place where all the stories that aren’t quite worthy of their own article end up.
Think of it as the internet’s equivalent of that kitchen drawer full of dead batteries, takeaway menus and cables you refuse to throw away because they might come in handy one day.
Grab a brew. Or a beer. Or a toilet. You’re going to need one.
Cock Womble of the Month.
Ladies and gentlemen, this month’s coveted Golden Cock Womble Award goes to none other than FIFA President Gianni Infantino.
After enduring yet another football tournament where FIFA (Fix It For Argentina) appeared to be making it up as they went along, the bald (nothing up top) Swiss salesman has once again demonstrated that the higher you climb within football politics, the less oxygen appears to reach your brain.
Not content with handing the Mango Mussolini a FIFA Peace Prize, his latest nugget of wisdom was to tell critics of his leadership to…meditate, pray or watch a football match. (Source BBC).
Apparently questioning FIFA is now considered spreading hate and false rumours.
Gianni – people aren’t spreading rumours – they’re just watching the fucking football.
At this point, I can’t believe these words are leaving my mouth – Bring back Sepp Blatter.
When you’re making Blatter look like the sensible option, you’ve spectacularly cocked it up.
It takes a truly world-class Wank Puffin to knock Donald Trump into second place in the race for International Bellend of the Year.
Don’t worry, though. I’m sure the Walking Wotsit will reclaim his throne before Christmas.
Donald in Three Easy Steps.
This is Donald. Donald lies.
When Donald gets caught lying, Donald lies about lying.
When there’s undeniable proof that Donald lied about lying, Donald says somebody else lied.
Donald then calls everyone else fake.
Don’t be a Donald.
Funny how Society Works.
When a woman gets a vibrator, it’s seen as a bit of naughty fun.
But when a man orders a 240-volt Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blow-up latex doll with 6-speed pulsating pussy, elasticised anus with non-drip semen collecting tray, together with optional built-in realistic orgasm scream and the option of a moaner or panter in a 7.1 sound system, he’s called a pervert.
Is this equality?
Pick a lane, people.
He/She/They are hurting me with Words!
1944: 18-year-olds storm the beaches of Normandy into almost certain death.
2026: 18-year-olds require emotional support because somebody used the wrong pronouns while asking if they’d like fries with that.
Her Diary vs His Diary.
HER: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.
We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said ‘Nothing’. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly and kept driving. I can’t explain his behaviour I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too’.
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed and we made love. I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS: United lost today – Absolutely Gutted! – Got a shag though.
So, until next time, my little Mooselings…
Keep your powder dry…
Keep your receipts…
And remember…
Never trust a man who smiles and wears a FIFA blazer.
