Hell’s About to Freeze Over.

Last week the world said goodbye to Chuck Norris.

It’s sad he’s gone, but Heaven finally needed backup.

Reports are already coming in that the Pearly Gates reinforced themselves with titanium, angelic concrete and two retired Navy SEALs – just in case Chuck decided he preferred the downstairs entrance instead.

Meanwhile, panic has erupted in Hell.

The Devil reportedly held an emergency meeting after hearing Chuck Norris was on the way. Witnesses claim Satan was seen packing a suitcase, deleting browser history, and asking if Heaven offers a witness protection program.

Hell’s temperature has already dropped by 20 degrees. Not because of climate change but because fear has literally frozen the flames. If Chuck Norris walks into Hell, the Devil won’t be in charge for too much longer.

Sources close to the underworld say Chuck has already confiscated Satan’s throne and replaced it with a camping chair from Texas.

The Grim Reaper has allegedly called in sick. There is a rumour that Chuck actually died 5 years ago, but the Grim Reaper was too afraid to tell him.

All joking aside, just for a few seconds. Chuck passed away peacefully on March 19, 2026, at the age of 86. He was a legend and, by all accounts, a devoted family man and all-round decent bloke.

Rest easy, Chuck. We’ll miss you!

A final tribute to the hardest man in the world.

• Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
• If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
• Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
• In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
• If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris, and they both fought, they would both win.
• Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. It’s now called Red Bull.
• If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.
• On the 7th day, God rested … then Chuck Norris took over.
• Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
• If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
• Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
• Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
• Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
• Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.
• Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
• Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run.
• Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.
• When the Bogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks under the bed for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
• The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
• Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
• Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
• Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
• When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on; he turns the dark off.
• Chuck Norris can tie his shoelaces with his feet.
• Chuck Norris is the only person who can punch a cyclops between the eye.
• Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
• There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.
• In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
• Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all lethal.
• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognises the element of surprise.
• It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
• Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
• Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
• Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
• Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
• Chuck Norris’s cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
• The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
• Chuck Norris was exposed to the Coronavirus. The virus is now in quarantine for a month.
• Chuck Norris won an arm-wrestling tournament, with both arms tied behind his back.
• Bigfoot is still hiding because he once saw Chuck Norris walking in the mountains.
• When Chuck Norris plays dodgeball, the balls dodge him.
• When Chuck Norris’s parents had nightmares, they would come to his bedroom.
• When Chuck Norris looked into the abyss, the abyss looked the other way.
• If Chuck Norris was on The Titanic, the iceberg would have dodged the ship.
• Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
• Chuck Norris found the last digit of pi.
• The Loch Ness Monster claims to have seen Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
• The Swiss Army uses Chuck Norris Knives.
• Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
• When Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mother home from the hospital.
• Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
• Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as ‘You Know Who’.
• Chuck Norris was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for letting so many people live.
• Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test. The machine confessed everything.
• Chuck Norris can fold aeroplanes into paper.
• Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
• Chuck Norris was born with two umbilical cords, one red and one blue. The bomb squad cut the wrong cord.