Category: Current Affairs

Parliament votes to napalm Love Island

Parliament has passed a new resolution, calling for Love Island to be unilaterally napalmed. The television series for people without the balls to find some proper pornography has been rumbling on for what feels like nine years. “No good has come of it and it’s melting the already gooey brains of the populace,” confirmed MP, […]

I might have to vote Labour

LABOUR’S manifesto promises to reverse decades of free-market mismanagement and return Tom Baker to his rightful position as Doctor Who.  The leaked manifesto claims the ‘Thatcherite’ Peter Davison era was a ‘betrayal of the working classes’, and that it, and all subsequent incarnations, would be declared invalid. Jeremy Corbyn said: “There has only ever been […]

How Government Works

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that; ‘When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount’. However, in government, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as: 1. Buying a stronger whip. 2. Changing riders. 3. Appointing a committee to […]

School 1970 v 2017

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. 1970 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best mates. 2017 – Police are called, Armed Response Unit arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. Mobiles with video of fight confiscated as evidence. They are charged with assault, ASBOs […]